After experiencing workplace harassment on top of a bankruptcy, Wendy Petties decided that she did not want to not be in control of her life again. Thus was born Sexy Money, a system that helps women get the best out of life, love and work and inch closer to their dream life. Bringing in #SexyLife vibes to the show with Alicia Dunams, she retells her journey from being a harassment survivor to being a millionaire. She also gives us a glimpse to Teach Your Expertise, a compilation book for which she wrote one powerful chapter. Looking to publish her own book soon, Wendy is on a mission to spread the #SexyLife message and change even more women’s lives.
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The Sexy Money Lifestyle With Wendy Petties
We are on Episode 23 with Wendy Petties. An author, survival of bankruptcy and workplace harassment, Wendy, has turned a millionaire and she vows to never work for anyone else again. We’re going to #SexyMoney. Wendy, it’s great to have you here.
Talk about this, you went from a survivor of bankruptcy and workplace harassment turned millionaire. Take us back to your story. Your book is called Teach Your Expertise, speak into that. Why did you write a book? What made you write a book and turn your story into something that you want to share with others?
Thank you so much for having me. I appreciate you and appreciate this opportunity to talk to your peeps. I have been successful. I worked on Wall Street. I have an MBA. I have a psychology degree. I was the in-house executive coach for a major airline. Life was grand, but I was ill. For ten years, I was in and out of hospitals ending with a hysterectomy. With all those medical bills, I had to file bankruptcy and thought I had all this money and now I have to file bankruptcy. I felt shame, guilt and all of that stuff. I said, “This is a fact. This tool was put in place.” I filed the type of bankruptcy that I am paying it back.
It doesn’t wipe away my debts, but it protects my assets and make sure that I am not going to be homeless, for example. That was part of the story. Once I began to get well, I was working and I got a new boss one day, who came in with the idea that they were going to clean house but didn’t want to say it. I’m a straight shooter. I tried to say, “This is your team. This is what we’ve been doing before. He was new to the company.” I tried and for six months, I didn’t realize that I was being harassed. Until people started saying like, “Wendy, are you okay? Why is he so angry at you? I hear him yelling at you.”
I have a Psychology degree and I know the signs of harassment. When I was in it for myself, I couldn’t see it. It took six months for me to recognize it and process it. This had to change. Those were two of my lowest points. Filing for bankruptcy and having someone harass me at work. Coming home, crying and staying in my house all the time when I wasn’t at work, trying to be something that I wasn’t. Two things happened. My doctor put me on antidepressants and that made me feel like, “I’m in trouble here.”
It wasn’t until I walked into a meeting that I had called with the human resources team and this person to talk this over to say like, “I don’t want to be in the room with him. I can’t deal with this anymore. We have to figure out something.” All of my training kicked in. Who I am kicked in? He sat on one side of a table, I sat on the other side of the table. When the person who was supposed to be neutral and help us sat next to him, everything in my whole body tuned up and I was like, “This is not safe. This is not a neutral space.”
I said at that time, “The next time you talk to me is going to be through my attorney.” I walked away. That was big talk in the moment. When I walked out of that room, I crumbled. It was everything that had been going on. All of the things got to me and I crumbled. Luckily, I fell into the arms of a friend who worked there who picked me up and scooped me out so that I didn’t embarrass myself. I didn’t fall apart right then and there. I decided that I didn’t want to ever not have control of my life. The two things not having control of my money and not having control over my work created what I call Sexy Money. It’s the Sexy Money Lifestyle. I help people who never want to work for anyone else again to be in control and not have to do that if they don’t want to do that.
Going back over your story, one thing that stood out for me is when you said that when you were in it, when you were being harassed daily, you didn’t see it. You have a degree in Psychology. It’s a common thing that when you’re in something, you don’t quite see what it is until you’re extracted out. That process takes some time. Speak into that in terms of helping people through this process.
A lot of what I do now helps people to be present, be in the moment and to look at things. We learned some things that we need to unlearn. We don’t learn things that we needed to learn. We don’t question things enough. We go with the flow. We’re on automatic. I always talk about this. If I say, how are you doing? People say fine or okay. They don’t even take beat that one second to think about how you are. It is okay if you don’t want to share with me what’s going on with you either your highs or your lows.
We might not close enough for that or you don’t trust enough but at least check in with yourself. After the harassment and the bankruptcy happened, I decided to turn inward into my body to figure out how I was going to bring myself back up to the living because it felt like I was going through the motions and figuring out and band-aiding things. I took control of my money and my body. That’s how Sexy Money came about because the sexy was, once I felt turned on and turned up and became back to who I was, I was able to ask for and get anything that I wanted. I decided to focus on being in control. Cut out frivolous things. I’m not a miser.
I buy whatever I want to buy. I pay for the things that I want to pay, but I looked at the fear I went and looked at how much money I had available to me. I got a good picture of my real financial net worth, for example, and was like, “I’m a millionaire because I was able to keep my house.” I had been cautious and careful when I worked on Wall Street to save the tons of money that I made there. Even though I hated the job, I was able to save a lot of money and make a lot of money when I did that. I looked at my whole life and figured out how to not only make me okay because that’s what I had to do first but be able to turn this into something that could help other people. That’s how I do what I do and that’s why I do what I do.
Let’s talk about Teach You Expertise. This is a compilation book. I have a lot of aspiring authors and authors who read this. You are the first author of a compilation book where you are a contributing author to a compilation book. I want to walk people through the process of, what is a compilation book? How did you get started? What was the process like? What are some of the results of being part of a compilation?
I am excited to do that because I had a second where I was like, “I don’t know if I’m worthy because I didn’t write the whole book.” We can have gremlins and all this crap. I was like, “I worked hard. I’m a part of this. I am a bestselling author now because we went to number one on Amazon in five categories.” The book is called Teach Your Expertise. Compilation books are when a bunch of people get together and write a chapter or write a couple of chapters either together or separately. In our particular book, there’s of us and we were part of a mastermind. There was a group put together by this person who pulled us all together. We paid for her mastermind.
Part of that was we were going to write a book to help people do. She’s famous for helping people create online programs. It was an interesting experience doing it. I’ve been published a couple of poems and stuff. Published is loose for me. In high school, I wrote some poetry and they put it in the newsletter. I consider myself published. I want people to know that it’s not some highfalutin thing that you have to be an author in that persona. You can write some stuff with some other folks and call yourself an author too because you are. If you take nothing else away, I want people to understand that and appreciate that.
This compilation, what we did was we were given the framework of a couple of different questions and we all had had various success with our businesses started from different places. We were talking about online programs. That is the center of it. It’s called Teach Your Expertise, How To Grow A Business And Become A Success By Creating An Online Program Or Class. What was interesting is they had an editor who was helping us. I did not find that process very helpful because either I’m an amazing writer, which I doubt or they weren’t doing what I had expected them to do as an editor. I thought that they were going to give me some constructive criticism and help me to change some things around.
[bctt tweet=”Listen to your body. You may not want to tell yourself the truth but you absolutely know it.” via=”no”]
They kept saying like, “Do you want to use this word or this word?” I was like, “Whether I call it blue or light blue, it’s not helping me.” I went to other people who I know I have a person who works in audiobooks and a person who is a writer. I had them read it to see if it sounded like me, if it made sense, and if I was missing anything. I went through a couple of iterations with that to get the book to the chapter to what I wanted it to be. One other thing that I thought was special is twenty of us wrote this book and the theme was the online programs but our stories are so different.
We did not learn about each other’s stories until the book came out. We had been spending at least a year with each other. Some of us had been together for two years and learn things about each other by reading the book. That was special. That’s one of the juicy, yummy things about being in a compilation that there are other people and that you can learn from them also. It’s also a little less work, structured, we had to get deadlines, and get stuff done. I would imagine writing the whole book which is my next goal is a much bigger task to do.
Compilation books are the way to get your thoughts out there. Another thing that I will share is that I felt like I would have to conform because someone else was putting this book together. Obviously, she wanted us to say like, “My life was this before I met this person and went to this mastermind.” There are so many things that have contributed to my success that I didn’t feel comfortable saying that. Part of what I do is check in with my body and see if it’s fun, juicy, pleasurable and if it’s not, I don’t want to do it and I went for it. My chapter is about staying true to yourself and being who you are. I put in things that I have spent a whole bunch of money on a whole bunch of people who I didn’t resonate with that I spent time and energy in programs where people told me to do things that didn’t feel comfortable. I spent a lot of time and energy trying to make myself fit into that or bucking the system. That’s what my chapter is about.
It could be exhausting and I love that you shared that. First of all, going over the whole compilation process is amazing because most of the clients I work with, they write their own books whether they self-publish or traditionally publish. You gave a great example that it gave you a structure. It’s almost like a gateway opportunity. It’s en route to writing your book. It’s co-creation. It’s part of the community, so it’s part of the process. I recommend that everyone write their own book and take a great example.
What I want to stress is that had I not done this compilation, I might not have been comfortable or understood what it takes to write your own book. It is a great stepping stone to be in a compilation and one that people might not think about.
I’m glad that you brought that up as well because we’re talking about psychology. There’s this something around experiential and doing the doing because once you’ve done it, I always say, “When we do acts of esteem, we improve our self-esteem.” The actual process of completing something even if it’s a chapter, it straightens our back, “I can do this.” I have a program called Bestseller in a Weekend. By the end of the weekend, people will have a 100-page draft book manuscript. That process of having something physical that you start on Friday and then you’re holding something physical on Sunday, 100 pages, 20,000 words. It’s like, “I can do this.” I’ve had many people who’ve not written one book but I’ve had people who are starting on their 3rd and even 4th books through this process because once you do it, you know you can do it. It’s what life is about. We have to experience things to be able to move forward in confidence that we can do it.
I have had a book in me for so long, but it wasn’t until I participated in this process and told the truth because I believe that books should be your truth whether they’re fiction or nonfiction. They should be real, genuine and part of you, but it wasn’t until I completed this that I was like, “I’m getting this book done. I can do this.” All the notebooks that I have around that I started all over the place, I’m focused on getting it done.
Is your book going to be sexy money?
I was talking about that and someone was like, “I cannot wait.” They asked me if that was what the book was about. It will be sexy money. I have a novel in me also. This sexy money process, the sexy money lifestyle, there’s that self-help stuff. Stay tuned.
I have Fiction in a Weekend program. I’m putting it on Udemy. I’ll let you know when that’s out because in November 2020, it’s a NaNoWriMo, it’s the National Novel Writing Month. In terms of teaching your expertise and working with people that you were not aligned with because people got to do it themselves and we attract certain people into our lives and businesses. What are some tips that you want to leave our audience with in terms of how to be in alignment? What’s your thought in the book?
There are some specific tips there, so I want you to read the book. The main thing is to listen to your body. You may not want to tell yourself the truth but you absolutely know. When you are feeling something that is not in alignment, your body physically contracts. You are not leaning forward. You are not old, you stop. The other side is when you are aligned with something, your body is on fire. That’s one thing. A simple tip is to take a moment and ask yourself if this is something that you want to do. If this person is somebody that you want to work with. Do you want to spend time in this way? Do you want to eat that?
It covers everything but it is about coming back to alignment. You may remember the toy Weebles Wobble, but they don’t fall down. That was a toy that had a weighted solid bottom that was grounded and you could hit that thing or whatever, it would always come back up. I always think about ourselves and our bodies like that. On Instagram, I’m @MsBarefootMillionaire because I’m always barefoot and that’s something physical like my feet on the ground. This thing about the Weebles is also about always coming back to the center. When we are frenzied, frantic, or we’re out of alignment, it feels like this and when we are gentle with ourselves and have an aligned yes or an aligned no, then we can make sure that we are doing what it is that we want to do and your body will tell you every single time.
I do pendulum work. I asked my body what’s opening up around particular questions. There’s what your body tells you, but sometimes your mind or your brain overrides it like the logical or where you rationalize things. How would you support our audience at home where your body is telling you? I was physically sick to my stomach and I could not watch it any longer. We’re talking about the presidential debate. I turned on and off and I watch a few things that support me whether it’s guided meditation. I was particularly at that point watching An Introduction to Joy by one of my favorite spiritual leaders called Rob Bell. Your body could be repelled by something or telling you something but then you can rationalize it like, “I should do this. I should work harder.” Everyone else is using this coach maybe I should use it as well. What would you say to someone who is rationalizing their choices?
First of all, I have done that. I talk a little bit in the book about how I kept finding these coaches. I’m a New Yorker, East Coast focused, not so woo-woo, direct, blunt, I curse and I have been drawn to all these California e-type woo-woo talk into spirit animals.
I want to know who some of these people are.
For the record, I saw that we have some people in common and I love these people as people. I also will vouch for the things that I did learn. Not across the board but everything that I have invested in, I have got something that is valuable to me and my business. It’s not about bashing, but it’s about alignment. Now, I have found a group, they’re East Coast, they’re black and brown, they call it like it is and they have the same politics that I do. It is causing me to be more juicy, more turned on and more turned up which is exponentially increasing my money, my business and helping me to step into it. I have been there. That’s the first thing. It’s not a simple fix. What I try to do with my clients and with myself is to ask myself why. When I’m spinning, it goes back to something that I hear all the time in the group that we met in is, what do you want and why? I asked five whys five times.
[bctt tweet=”Being turned on and turned up makes everything easier for everyone.” via=”no”]
I’m feeling horrible about what I see on TV, but I should watch this, make sure that I know what’s going on, and turn on the news every day even though I cringe and feel physically ill, I should. Get rid of the should but then I ask myself like, “Why?” Because I need to be informed. Why? Because I need to know what’s going on. What if there’s a war? We can spiral here but why? After you ask yourself a couple of times, you realize that the thing that you’re afraid of either isn’t that at all. It’s not about war, it’s about that I’m not feeling safe so then you can get what you need or you realize that it’s not logical and not a real fright so you can bring yourself back to center again.
Checking in with yourself, feeling your body and recognizing does this feel good or does this not feel good, then asking yourself, “In this moment, what do I want? What do I need?” If you’re still spiraling in your mind, keep asking yourself why until you can get to a point where you can have your feedback on the ground, you can calm yourself, bring yourself back to get what you need and have the experience that you want to have instead of what you’re having.
You said something, “Because I want to feel safe.” You’re going to push on the news because you want more information because you need to know what’s going on. There might be a war because I want to feel safe. How about we go to feeling safe? What can make you feel safe? Sometimes it is meditating outside in your backyard.
Getting some sun on your face, having something delicious to drink, eat, a book, nature or whatever it is.
It’s important. We don’t need to be that informed. We feel it through osmosis. We know what’s going on. I got everything I needed to know from that debate by not watching that debate. We get to be very mindful of what we consume in terms of media. Wendy, you shared about your book and how you’re supporting people. I love for you to share how people can get to know you more. Where they can find out more about you?
I would love to. You can follow me on Instagram, @MsBarefootMillionaire. On Facebook, it’s my name, Wendy Petties. You can find me there. I run a group called Unstoppable Women With Big Dreams and that’s where we talk a lot about the Sexy Money Lifestyle. Finally, I have a free gift. I want to make sure that I have the proper link for you. It is fun. It’s timely. You can always reach me at FreeGiftFromWendy.com. Anytime you want to find something that I’m doing or that I’m giving away for free, go to this website.
Wendy, it’s been such a pleasure. You have created some sexy sex appeal up in this place. That’s got me going.
It’s not sex per se but being turned on and turned up, it makes everything easier for everyone.
It’s about enjoying life and the joy that life brings. The other person can bring that to you. We create ripple effects.
I have thoroughly enjoyed you as well. Thank you.
You take care. Thank you, everyone, for reading this episode. See you next time.
- Wendy Petties
- Bestseller in a Weekend
- Teach Your Expertise
- @MsBarefootMillionaire – Instagram
- Wendy Petties – Facebook
- Unstoppable Women With Big Dreams – Facebook Group
About Wendy Petties
You know how some women have spent their entire lives doing what was expected of them, going to school, getting a job, even having a family and now find themselves wondering, “Is this my life, is this all there is”. They go through the motions of their daily routines, all of the responsibilities, taking care of everything and everyone else and longing for the next vacation and wishing it was today.
Well, I help women over 40 design a life they do not need a vacation from.
For over 20 years, Wendy Petties has helped women figure out what they truly desire in and out of bed, learn the skill of how to ask for it and most importantly how to actually get it. Through her company, Keep In Touch Coaching, Wendy brings her unique perspective and comfort with everyday life experiences to everyone she works with. Her work centers on the belief that we need to question everything we were taught, learn the things we did not learn and unlearn the crap that we did.
Wendy uses humor & wit along with her human lie-detecting skills to encourage and support women in telling the truth and moving forward with courage, and no shame or guilt, to make fun a natural part of their everyday lives.
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