Recently, you have probably noticed I have been sharing very intimate thoughts with you, ranging from my battle with body issues (not feeling “good enough”) to sharing videos of a massive breakdown/breakthrough I had after years of bottled-up pain.
Now, I have a painful YET wisdom-rich experience I’d like to share.
My fiancé and I of 5 1/2 years just recently ended our relationship. We had a tentative wedding date this August 2014. This loss of love has been heart-breaking, but the lessons I have learned have been truly transformational.
In March 2014, Gwyneth Paltrow announced her split from Coldplay front-man Chris Martin as “conscious uncoupling.”
I’m going to announce my split as “subconscious uncoupling” and I explain why here…
In the last few months I’ve heard many variations of the following statement from therapists, psychologists, gurus, and friends:
“You subconsciously sabotaged your relationship because [FILL IN THE BLANK]
Some of those BLANKS include:
- You are afraid of intimacy
- You didn’t feel safe in your relationship
- You don’t feel worthy of love
- You don’t feel good enough
- You don’t allow people to love you
- You only feel safe in jeopardy
As you can imagine, all of this psycho-analysis and advice has led me to be confused and have severe “monkey brain” as I try to sort out the best way move forward and emerge as a healthy, healed and whole woman. (I have been leaning on nature, exercise, and mediation to get me there. It’s a work in progress.)
What I do know for sure is that my break-up has cracked open my heart and out has poured an immense amount of love, feminine grace and presence into the world and into my life, and I’m joyful with the woman who is emerging. I am a powerful, present, authentic, loving, gracious, joyous, fearless female warrior. (BTW, Katy Perry’s ROAR is playing in the background, but I digress…)
Whatever the reasons behind the split, I think it is important to reflect back and see the lessons learned. Here is a list of breakthroughs I’ve learned from losing an intimate confidant, lover and best friend. I hope this list either brings you closer to the one you love, or helps you release them so you both get what you deserve.
- Do not take intimacy and love for granted. It makes life worth living.
- Be present. (Focus intently on the NOW.)
- Do not wait until you lose someone to acknowledge and adore them. (Isn’t it sad that we often wait to someone’s funeral to acknowledge them fully in love and awe?)
- I am/we are worthy of love.
- Savor every minute of your life like it is your last. (Drink the essence of your loved ones up. Be fully present.)
- Do not settle. (Nor should the person you are with settle. They deserve better.)
- Live your truth. (Follow your gut.)
- If it’s meant to be, it’s up to me. (Be responsible for the outcomes in your relationship.)
- Speak positively. (Lift people up.)
In the next weeks, I’ll be sharing more about my journey and the lessons learned these past few months. It’s my hope that you will find the courage and strength through my pain to change your life for the better.
Thank you so much for all of your love and support. It’s a privilege to share my success and my setbacks with you.